Wow... I had this idea to dedicate my January blog to my Mom and my first husband who died way to young. But, what I didn't realize was just how hard this would be. Ironically my Mom and my first husband died on the same day, January 23, 26 years apart. It is interesting how life takes us on so many different paths along Life's Journey.
I met my first husband while I was in college in Texas and eventually moved to Grand Island, NE. Everyone that meets me always asks me how I ended up in Grand Island from the Dallas area and I always say... "Ya, because God knows you would only move to Grand Island, NE for love." I did not realize just how profound that statement really was... the part about love. And so my story begins...
I was working in a pizza place and before I ever knew his name I knew that the tall blond wearing the red jacket was going to ask me out. Jerry and his buddy came in two or three times a week and always sat in my section. I even told one of my fellow co-worker's that he was going to ask me out and sure enough he did.
He worked on a ranch training Quarter horses... you know the very expensive kind. While he loved the job it did not pay very much, actually nothing, but it was about the experience. After several moths of dating he eventually decided he needed a paying job and he had been offered a position at the Post Office in Grand Island, so he took it. After a long discussion we decided he would move back Grand Island and I would save up enough money to move there as well. After nine months of being separated I quite my very good paying job in Dallas and moved to GI to join him. I arrived in May, 1977 and he was working 3 jobs. I got a job too and we hardly saw each other. The following October he was diagnosed with cancer. The day he got the call from the doctors office explaining that he had to have his leg amputated was the same day he had already decided to ask me to marry him. He proposed and then we both sat on the floor in his dinning room and cried. We loved each other so much and knew we wanted to be together no matter what. You see, we fell in love on our first date and while a lot of people say that doesn't happen, I'm here to tell you that it does.
The next year was a blur of exciting moments preparing for the wedding and many sad moments in and out of hospitals. On October 7, 1978 we were married. It was a bitter sweet wedding day as Jerry was very ill the night before and the doctors wanted him to go to the hospital but he refused. If his fever had raised ever so slightly we would have no choice but to take him to the hospital immediately. His temperature held that evening and I attend the rehearsal by my self and finished up the preparations for the following day.
Jerry managed to make it through the wedding on his crutches. His artificial leg had not arrived as promised and Jerry stood before his friends and family without a leg, something he did not want to do. It was difficult to watch his 6'4" frame ever so fragile. Some how part of the wedding ceremony had been missed but it was perfect because Jerry couldn't have stood much longer on his own. We walked down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. Jerry Miller.
The following few months were a continuation of hospital visits, only now there was nothing exciting to talk about. Eventually the day came when the doctor's had to give us the bad news... there was nothing more they could do.
The days that followed were us telling each other how much we loved each other. We talked about the future for me that did not include him and I cried. He knew these conversations were important, at the time I did not want to hear them but he knew that I had to. He released me to move on, to love again and to be happy. What a brave soul he was and I love him for that. I did not know how I would ever be happy again without him being a part of my life but he knew that I could be.
On January 23, 1979 I sat in a hospital room with the first love of my life and watched his heart beat begin to slow and minute by minute eventually it stopped. It was the most profound moment in my life. Everyone left the room and there I stood over his bed and kissed him goodbye. And who knew that exactly 26 years later I would watch nearly the same scenario with my Mom on the very same day.
My Mom was an amazing women and as for most of us it took me a life time to realize that. I look back at what my life was like growing up and now as an adult I can only imagine what it was like to be my Mom. Two marriages and 5 children between them both and one lost sister/daughter at 19... way too young. Love and miss you Sharon.
When my Mom was young she was recognized for a very unique talent... she could toe tap in ballet shoes on her toes. I decided to dedicate my blog to my Mom too and I wanted to write about her dancing. I called my brothers and sister and my Mom's best friend Mary. Ironically everyone had a different memory about my Mom's dancing. I guess it depended who you were hearing it from so I took what everyone told me and here is what I came up with...
My Mom grew up in Hackensack, NJ in the early 1900's. She was about 3 years old when she awoke from a nap one day only to find her right leg paralyzed. We remember seeing photos of my mom with her leg in a brace and eventually photos of her standing while my Grandma held her up. Miraculously her leg got the feeling back.
The doctors recommend that my Grandma should start her in ballet to strengthen her now very weak leg. My Mom loved to dance and excelled in it. As she got older she perfected tap dancing in ballet shoes, something that was not heard of back in the day. They had a special metal cup made to fit on the toe of her ballet shoes. Ya, no kidding. It makes my feet hurt just thinking about it. I remember her telling me part of the story about her dancing in between boxing fights and eventually an article was written about her unique talent. Someone told me that they heard that she had been offered a job in California to dance.
We are not sure what happened but she never took the job. Some of us thought my Grandma put an end to that. My Mom lied about her age and married my dad only a few short weeks after meeting him... others say my Grandma wanted her to go to California and was upset that my Mom decided to get married instead. I also heard that my Mom just wanted to move out of the house and that was why everyone thought she got married so quickly. They have all passed now so I guess that we will never get the whole story but my Mom was a women that could do anything she put her mind to... you know a regular MacGyver. I see that now and I eventually matured enough to forgive her for all of what I thought were short comings. Eventually I cherished every moment we had together and I am so glad that I did.
Regrets... what I learned from my short time with Jerry is that you can not wait for tomorrow you have to go for it now. Jerry always wanted to snow ski and yet he never did. We wanted to get married right away but for some reason we waited. For my Mom... dance was her true love and for some reason none of us kids will ever understand why she gave it up. However, she always encouraged us to do what we wanted and to live our dreams no matter what. Maybe because she realized she had gave her's up and she did not want us to do the same.
So, Life's Journey continued as it does for all of us... I learned a lot in those few years... this is dedicated to Jerry who was one of the bravest men I ever knew at a very young age of 21 and to my Mom who would dance for us when we were kids and showed us how to live life.
Ironically Jerry's cousins introduced me to the second love of my life, Ken, my husband now, of nearly 28 years. And while it was not love at first sight it is as deep and full as my short time with Jerry. Ken once said to me, "I think it was Jerry's destiny to bring me to him." "Ya, because God knows you would only move to Grand Island, NE for love."
I miss them all... Jerry, Sharon, and most of all the most amazing women I have ever known... my Mom!
Tell everyone you love them every day... love deep and full... and know that you are who you are because of all the times you have been touched by love along Life's Journey!
Be Well,
Marianne
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